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2. This welcome alternative to lying your head down on a *real* skin-on salmon fillet.
4. 80 pages of challenge accepted.
Don’t tell me how to live my life.
Price: $9.95. Also available for Kindle.
5. A vinyl wall decal of half an Asian businessperson.
Promising review: “Unbelievable. Really ties the room together. 10/10 would recommend.” —Maddi Durbin
Price: $25.09+. Available in six sizes.
7. What you’ve heard is a lie, it’s actually sautéing your placenta that’s the most rewarding part of parenthood.
Hoping that squiggly black stuff is kale!
Price: $2.99 for Kindle.
11. A plush tonsil for anyone who’s parted with an actual one.
Price: $21.99. Available in 30+ anatomical parts.
13. The actual reason some people drool in their sleep.
Price: $9.80. Available in eight pillowcase designs, all of which appear to be the same image of Nicolas Cage.
14. A set of small hands that you place on each finger to make it look like your fingers have fingers.
Price: $7.77 for five
15. A hat for looking like a botched mansquid unwelcome at the X-Mansion cool table.
Price: $3.50+. Available in 16 colors, and also knight helmet.
16. A business-casual, disembodied husband pillow with lifeless hand detail.
Price: $32.99. Half torso’s button-down shirt available nine colors.
Price: $228 for three gallons of Dippin’ Dots, 90 Dippin’ Dots cups, and 90 plastic spoons. Available in 10 flavors.
21. And a life-sized Bigfoot statue that’s a six-foot-tall, 147lb. reminder of how you choose to spend your money.
Promising review: “My Bigfoot’s name is Paul, after the apostle.” —chompy_jr
Price: $799.99. Available in two other sizes that don’t matter.