There’s no dignified way of eating a Frube while making eye contact with another human being.
2. Hubba Bubba Bubble Jug
It was bubble gum, but in powder form? So many questions remain.
3. Turkey Twizzlers
As an adult you’re actually kind of concerned about what constitutes as “turkey”.
4. Polo Super Mint
Real life is not a Bugs Bunny cartoon.
5. Billy Bear Ham
Its smile is strangely haunting.
6. Hubba Bubba Bubble Tape
Another snack in the popular ’00s genre of Inconvenient Ways To Eat Bubble Gum.
7. Heinz Green Ketchup
Red sauce is exotic enough for you now.
8. Those mint sheets that dissolve in your mouth
As a breath mint alternative, sure, but snacking on them as if they were candy is a little concerning.
9. Onken Frufoo
A yoghurt would come bottom on the list of things you’d want to find a toy in the middle of.
10. Baby Bottle Pops
You’re no longer a baby, you’re now a fully-formed human.
What was it with bear-shaped food?
12. Fizz Wiz
Rumour had it that if you drank Coke at the same time as eating this, your stomach would explode – and you knew it was true because it happened to a friend’s cousin.
You no longer have time to construct your own crisp vehicles.
14. Triple Power Push Pops
Three separate lollies is just downright excessive.
15. Penguin Flipper Dippers
They don’t even have a joke on them.
Crack open a pack of Lunchables in the office break room and you’re guaranteed to get funny looks.
17. Fruit Winders
I’m reasonably certain that these don’t count as one of your five-a-day.
What even were these, because they sure as hell weren’t juice?
19. Kwenchy Kups
You’d look especially ridiculous if you drunk it in the classic way of biting a hole in the bottom corner.
20. Ring Pops
Practical? Yes. Professional? No.
21. Candy necklaces
Edible jewelry peaked in the ’90s and has yet to stage a comeback.
22. Calippo Shots
They’re not as badass as they used to be.